I have an exceptional memory, which you know would be great if it wasn’t limited to remembering only criticism.

It becomes a film in the back of my mind. I can’t focus. I spend the rest of the day just thinking of where I went wrong. All the ridiculously simple flaws that I failed to see. I just need to think of a way to fix it. But like a house falling apart, I feel as if I’m clutching at bricks that keep tumbling down on me. I’m not building fast enough. More and more problems accumulate. There’s so much to do that I can’t seem to handle. What have I completed? How can I survive in the future like this? What am I going to do? The anxieties flood in and the lump in my throat tightens.

I just don’t know.

This post doesn’t really align with the one I just published a moment ago. There is so much inconsistency in my writing. I was in complete disarray last week when I started bashing this down on the keyboard.


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